nEw piC

Hey people I take new picture again...how do you think bout it??hope to get some comment ya....~*_^

wAt a d@y

Hey blogger....time for me to update my blog again...haha......me din update blog is because went back to my daddy hometown at Temoh,Perak....^^ kinda far...need roughly around 2 hour plus to reach there...which include stop a while....well we went back there is to clean the thomb of my grandmother...she died when my dad was still young....we start our journey around 10 and reach there around 1....it was lucky that day was no sun...if not I am bbq meat.....


Night was cold.....but many mosquito....it was not small....it was big...bigger than at my house one....scary.....haha.....damm early wake up on sun cause my was making a lot of noise....cant sleep....he went back keep act like a crazy fellow....like never been to there.....haix......but luckily at my grandmother thomb moutain he act good.....damm many bushes...lucky nothing happen to my jeans....haha.....never thought before noon sun can burn my skin like hell......pain like hell....then I become dark again.....wasting my time to there.....nothing to do also....


Reach house around 4....busy like hell when the moment reach house...need to do this need to do that....what lar.....that why I rather stay at house sometime.....dont like to go back.....cause their house is wood.....and is hot...and bath is outside...damm dangerous man....~so scary...cant bath properly also.....haha.....but still I got bath la....hehe...~those mosquito bite my leg and hand...damm itchy now.....haix.....dont like to give mosquito bite.....long time didnt happen such stuff on me.....huhu.....T^T

n0t h@ppy~

Bad mood.....sad......not happy......hi fellow blogger.....I not happy today....morning should be my happy beginning of the day....but now is sad beginning of the day....well....yesterday night I went out lim teh(hang out) with friends....then I around 12.30 am reach house....before reaching house my dad call me twice....I tell him I on the way back....like the hack he dont understand....after few minute from the first call he call me again....crazy one.....I say I will be back house....he like dont believe me....then is nevermind lar.....


Back house I saw my mum cry....I can guess what happen...useless man.....I say I will be back....what the hack you scold my mum....idiot!!!I not wanted to say all man but just my dad.....he really is too over.....he call me I said I will be back mean I will!!dont bad mood and simply scold my mum......my mum is human....why does he treat my mum like this????!!!He crazy or what???he dont like people innocently scold him now he is doing it....damm angry when think bout it...~


He really doesnt understand how my own world is doing....all he know I must be back before 12.....and he can back like at 1 or 2 am in morning.......and doing the same thing as I did......he can then why cant I??my mum tell him I go out with my friend so you want to know so much for what???want me introduce my friend to you izzit??WTF...~we all dont know who your friend also how come we must introduce ours??usually he dont care my thing but now....want to know everything....hey...~my privacy dude...~you got your own then where is mine??izzit need to share my privacy with you??if you wanted so much to share my privacy with you then tell me bout yours first!!


He got his own world then how bout me???I sure will have my own world when I getting older....how can he think that I got none of my own world???I think I did a very good job to him....I at least I got come back...listen to him some times....help him when he needed....but when I need help he wont help me....as an example I say wanted to go to train station he should just take me to there.....if he so protect me dont let me fall down how can I start learn to walk???(but when baby time I really start walking by running...hehe^^)well...my main point is he should just leave my world alone....he not inspector and I not any of his worker....dont need to tell him every moment of my steps.....and he didnt really even did a good job as dad.....do you think he got the right to tell me what to do and what not??

i nOt rOcK!!!

Yo yo man....wassup blogger.....~haha...~getting bit crazy here.....lets see....I am human I got feel I same like you got flesh and why do you consider me as a rock man????you dont understand me is ok but dont need to say me till like tat....I am human same like you....is it you dont understand me so you can consider me as rock??


Sometimes things didnt say out is because is not important.....say out equals to didnt say out....that why I didnt shout out my voice....but then give you consider me as a rock...wth.....~I always think before I say something out...sometimes maybe didnt think because I lazy want to think...I got few time look like stupid but to you maybe not...I feel myself look like dumb because saying something that you didnt even respond...~feeling IDIOT....~


If I am a rock then will you see I jealous when I see you chatting happily with another girl o should I put it as my friend perhaps??If am rock...I wont drop tear....wont heart pain like hell....when the moment you leave me.....you didnt even stop me from doing such thing on you....now you were saying me as rock....well I just can say I am not......because I not born from rock...even born from rock also got feel will drop tear.....every living things got feel that what I can say....you wan say me how is your problem but then I wont keep silent since that is not true bout me......

really will happen??

Hey friends....suddenly I got a big question to ask....is there really will fall in love when you see o saw that people for the first time??does that really is love?or is it just a feel of happy to see someone that you have never see before?I got a thinking that love in first sight is a hard thing to believe.....many said when meet someone you like o love you will got a strong feel....well.....I dont kinda understand love things....is just too complex....


Many people got different opinion...me too got different opinion....I dont think fall in love in the first sight really work for me....cause most probably is that people never see you before and wanted to make friend with you perhaps???haha.....I really dont know first sight really will happen in my life....first sight love I heard much but most of the time I see they just dont last long.....so should I try it???perhaps....but I worry in the end ended up hurting another people.....I dont think that is good cause it will look like playing with feelings....~


And I dont understand one thing....how come other fight a lot will become couple and me wont??how weird was that....damm cool man...~they always say fighting make you more close to each other but some how in my condition I think it happen in the opposite direction.....look like I fight more with that people the more worst it become....and I dont think I got a good relationship with people around me...~what a pity~

c0ol~

I am back......haha....happy today can go out with my friends...~then meet new people.......even today cant go to kuala lumpur but then happy can go out watch movie ya~er...tat movie name is "Just another pandora box"...that movie damm funny dude....should go try and watch it....I feel is damm funny....cant stop laughing....haha.....~


Actually I never thought that my friend will ask my school friend out....if I know that would be better....haha....~cause she like keep on talk with her friend bout their stuff and I become a listener....is kinda weird as I never face such thing before....cause before I go out with friend is all damm friendly....first time meet with such a not friendly kind....that dont talk friendly with strangers.....their personality is good but then damm bored....~too over scare.....just like kitten....~


Lucky meet one my old pals and we talk and eat and have some fun....at least better with them....time passes more fast with my old friend rather with her....haha...~dont know why I out with her in the first place....but still luckily got call another new friend come accompany me....hehe....~he kinda good man....his friend is also friendly type....nice when with them....at least wont bored with them.....~


At facebook a friend of mine send me a message....say my blog kinda long...well I talking bout what happen today what.....how can shorcut it??later become not interesting dude...~if your eye pain drop some medicine....will be better....haha....~is true my blog kinda long...but when I writting it I dont got the feel is long....I feel that is short cause I not exactly telling in detail....~


Before end....I kinda feel excited bout my form 6.....those syllabus is ok actually but got some I feel is bored and I will be catching fishes in the class...~I dont like to read bout law and history man...~but tis one most of it is history and law....aiks......so damm hell holly shit....in trouble when the school term start...~

t0o oveR I thK~

Hey ya dear blogger friend....wanted to ask something and share something....dont know it will be too over or what....but I really cant stand it anymore.....just hate them keep treat me like a small kid....I know they care me only ask me but then I need so privacy....cant be all thing must tell them....I need some of my space to keep it for myself...not fully the space is for them...


I think they will make it a bad memory for me.....me just asking my dad whether can take me to train station a not....he say can....then they start their question....throwing thousand of question on me.....all I want is just to go out have some fun and fresh air since they dont allow me work....dont allow me go out at night with friend go clubbing.....just allow me at house stay online....impossible online can make my life same with those outside entertainment.....


I go there is not alone....I go there follow friend...is just that one moment in train will be alone they dont allow me.....they worry I get pick pocket.....I know how to prevent from happening since they tell me the way but they still dont trust me....why cant they trust me???am I a part of family or wat??since I am a part of the family then trust me.....is it so hard to trust own daughter??really speechless....~


Well I would like to send my get well soon wishes to my sick friend  Mr.Derrick and his girlfriend hoping that they will get well soon from their sick....and sorry to my friend that I cant meet him at Kuala Lumpur.....really sorry pal....I try my best to go meet you but my parent just dont let me go there....they say dangerous......so hope that we can meet next time ya...~Dont get so upsat......Cheer up buddy...~

3mO~

Halo dear friend....I feeling so emo now....dont know why when I hear this song I keep thinking about him......I message him yesterday....tell him wish me luck to forget him....and he really does....!OMG...~is obvious he forget the moment when we together......so hard to believe it.....someone that I thought I can sleep on for quite some time does such thing to me...~why he can forget our thing so fast???I really give him play....~


I dont like to keep post my blog thing bout him but seem like when I start talk bout him my tear start to drop of my eye without me notice it.....wish GOD can help me...~give me medicine to cure my sadness......I really dont want to accept that he cant forget me so fast......am I really so important in his life???he say he feel guilty for what happen......WTH~that is not the answer I want to hear from him.....I wish he just can say something that I wanted to hear but I think it wont happen anymore.....maybe I should go clubbing and then forget him at there.....so I just wish he will find happiness........I still will be his friend if he willing to let me be.....I just want to care him even he not anymore my half life......I hope he wont so small gas....~T^T


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7yCrTBVVZo

disappoint~

Hehe.....how are you guys???was your day fantastic??well here is mine....I dont think is fantastic but kinda gone well my day....but jz get ended up by disappointment my day..~


As you can see....I plan to go to a shopping complex today but then dint went cause my mum want to cook....well my mum long time no cook for us whole family so I think is worth...but most not worth was I thought my cousin sister will come and it will be a big trouble for us since her sister and her ownself got personal problem and we sometime even need to help her to solve it...= =  Kinda troublesome when I hear my aunt say when they mayb will come....~


But ended up no come....so damm happy.....I thought at night got friends will call me go out but then nope...~is such a boring day at house since me everyday at house recently...~for few months me at house and everyday online.....nite write my blog...then went to bed and the next day morning is doing the same thing again....is kinda fed up with such life....I wonder how my friend went through it for few years ya???haha...~


At first I plan to have a busy week next month but then suddenly my parent say cant.....cause it will be normal day and I will have transport problem since I rarely use public transport.....my friend keep on force me to go even know my condition.....I tell him that I mayb cant go cause will have transport problem....but then he like angry me.....thought I want to put him plane.....WTH.....~I never put people plane...and I dont plan to cause I know what it feels like when it happen to someone.....I promise myself that I would never hurt people around me but then ended up hurt them....so sad...~


I got a friend that say want bring me to Johor....so happy that I can go there to have a look but then I worry my parent wont let me go....they always treat me like a children....but I am not children at all...~so tired of being treat as children while I am not one...~I plan want to go to penang next month.....but dont know will success a not.....haha...~Hope can happen....I really want to go there again....kinda fun....~^^

tirinG moMenT~

Many thing has happen today....first of all...I very tired mentally...~My cousin sister come today and she at here whole day....my dad today off so is like all people is in the tiny house...feels like wan to explode....~Luckily my dad and my brother go out a while....got at least few hour of peace.....


Since I holiday and no work.....I think a lot of things this few day.....I thinking of getting back with him...should I??many people say he treat me bad but then I dont mind as long he love me....problem is that I worry that when I with him back he still never change....still got many girl outside there....give me a very scary feel....like hanging me in an unbreakable rope in the lonely city.....I keep on thinking that if he dont love me why he want to waste his time and effort on me....if he dont love me then why he will bad mood when I chat with other people....if he no put me in his heart why do he will purposely take me back to house when that time I can just follow my friend car back....


I wonder if he really love me why when I say want break with him he no reply my message....when I silent why cant he start the conversation....when I say things that not true to him why he just cant tell me the thruth....why he want to hide things from me???If he really consider me as his girl he should tell me all cause there is no secret between us....that is what most of the couple does....I really put him as my half but I wonder he does put me too in the same way...~


I know that I shouldnt believe her but then when I say it to him he just remain silent.....as if what I say was the true....why he just cant tell me what he thinking??I wont hurt the person that I love....and I cant fully understand him if he just remain silent and not telling me his personal things...I just wont mad if he tell me the true as you can see...trust me that I wont angry and hate you...but just getting disappointed because I thought you were perhaps different from them....I get attracted to you because you got a very interesting personality but not always keep it to yourself and never express out what your feeling towards most of the things.....I cant understand you if you remain silent and need to tell me in a more directly way....~


I really dont feel like want to continue with a new one cause I think is not fair for him since I haven fully forget you....but as my question haven answer is hard for me to move on....the others really have make my heart touch but I dont want to hurt them....I know I have hurt you a lot Jake but then I really doesnt mean it...~

baD thG~

Hey there my dear blogger friends.....cindy suki is updating her blog....want to say something about what happen today....my early of the day start great....no more unhappy thoughts....reach where I suppose to be in time....watch movie wit my mum,my bro and my lovely someone....hehe....that I cant tell who....ask me for me....wahaha....*evil laugh....~


But that not the main thing....the main thing was what happen afterwards.....my lovely someone keep on talking bout something....I cant pretend to dont do it cause he will keep on ask me bout something else and ended up on it....so I do as what he told with unsatisfy feel.....and then here he goes.....he say why u so angry....I didnt tell you to do it....I dint force you to do it...OMG~then why you keep on ended up at there???when I did it you should happy cause all you wanted it to happen is happening.....then I show him my face....my not happy face.....I just want him to know that I don wan he keep on counting and doing thing good to me so that I repay it back...I know I should repay it back but then you also dont need to rush me pay it what.....


I got freedom to pay when I ready....I just dont like you to keep on talking and secretly giving me an order....I hate such stuff cause it look like I am a maid...~I dont like to be one and I dont want to be one....~You know me so long but you still dont understand me.....make me disappointed....I got at one time wanted to group you as them in my life....but then I give you one more chance....please dont make it not worth....~

suffering~~~~

Argh.........why I just cant forget about him??why do I keep thinking bout him???why he recently keep pop out from my mind??why does always when I see this girl online I keep think bout him???why???I that day feel very happy when he suddenly reply my message.....just dont have the reason but I still feel happy.....is it I still cant let him go???that girl got ask me whether want her to leave him alone a not....I should answer yes...but then it would look like evil...cause I know you got no meaning together with someone that dont love you anymore...just like getting the shell and not the soul.....


My mum today went nuts....she keep on talk rubbish stuff to me....my mood is not so good to hear her talk such stuff....but she still keep keep on talk.....keep on play online game....make me cant chat with my friend either in facebook or msn(window live messenger)......haix....~rarely got people find me chat but then she just make it a big failure....


My aunt is another one....saw what I post at facebook go tell my mum...she keep on hit thing loudly....like the hell I dont know she mad at me....but I really mad at her....I do what she also want to know....even I sometime go my friend page see thing she also wan to see...when I scroll down the page fast she say "Girl,did you hide something from me?"...I so wanted to say yes....tell her that I need more privacy...but she just wont understand the privacy that I meant....is such failure.....~


I just hope when my mood is bad there would be someone to chat to...but none of them come out.....all say wan chase me....love me....fake....!when I no mood find them they keep say chat later...busy la.....handphone no battery la...this la...that la....wtf.....~


Feeling soul is die-ing inside....getting a cant cure disease.....wondering who can cure it for me.....wanted him to cure but he just tooooo busy with his work....he even say that he wont touch facebook...but I notice is just a lie again....he did touch it today.....HE REALLY DID...~I saw him comment someone post that on his page....and it happen a while ago....OMG....~

mY new pIc a$ singLe liFe

Hi dear blogger friend....cindy suki got a new pic....as a celebration of single life I took tis pic ya......so how was the pic???If ugly pls comment ya.....~cause I know I very ugly....that why my boyfriend find another girl.....haha......~

I let u go is cz I don wan anyone of us unhappy.....

I let u go doesnt mean I don love u anymore.........

I wait ur ans but it jz took too long time.............

I give up of waiting ur ans cz u knw I don like wait....

I got feel n I knw how to thk.......

Dont treat me as child jz because u older than me.....

U don und my decision because u still don und me enuf.......

U luan say me cz u duno y I do such thg.........

I don like d feel of being stay apart by a thick wall.......

Even u wit me I jz got a feel tat I get ur body but not ur heart.....

Is it so hard jz to let me enter but not them???

Is it I so don understand u???

If it is jz tell me.....I will try my best.........

Cz I will do whatever it takes for my loved one....

Even it take my life.......

Tat is how much I can say.......

I tot u will give me a respond......but............

somehow u din.....n I ended up doin decision alone.......

jz because of a gal by d name of Mok Michelle......

I knw give up so easily is proven tat I don love u deep....

But then I don wan u to stay in between....

Love is selfish....U know a not???

Do u knw wat d feel like to share a beloved ppl wit another ppl??

I jz hope I am the only in ur heart.....

Cz in my heart ur d only one....

I jz wish u would do the same........

but u din.....

I hurt deeply.....cz d more u hide d more I hurt........

Y cant u jz tell me d thruth???

In tat case I oni knw wat really happen.....

Oni in such way I can help u......

sad memory...~

Based on the title.....I think u all can see wat happen to me......so bad....feel so bad bad bad.....give my dearest hubby betray.....I never thought he really got another girl at outside....


That gal add me yesterday night...then suddenly pop out from facebook chat box and ask me whether like him a not....since I dont know so I say I love him ar....then she ans she is his gf....and is last year together...which mean is most probably I give him play or either he play her...but that not what I concern...what I angry was why I so trust him and tell him my everything but he din tell me his everything....is it so hard to tell me the thruth???I prefer people tell me directly than I found it out cause is more hurting than telling me.....


That time he msg me....then when I tell him to accompany his gf....he din reply......when I say we officially break....he no reply me....so I consider it as break???If this happen on you will you consider as break????I think most of you would think like tat am I correct??Is so obvious....now what I worry is later he msg me back saying that we still couple.....that what worry me the most.....cause I got experience such thing before.....


But still thank to kien wei lip chuen wei ling I think I can pass through this hard time....but still I wanted to forget the feel between me and him......I dont want to have any special feel on him anymore....I give him many chances but I think he din realise that.....I dont understand why I so dumb......is obvious he got special relationship with that girl since he hire that girl in his happy kitchen(one of facebook game)......I that time should start suspect them le......


Hope my next one will be more honest to me....being not honest hurts me more.....T^T

regRet~

As u can c d title dear blogger....tat my title.....I suddenly feel regret of using so heavy tone msg her.....from ystdy stuff.....haix....cz I use quite long time thk even I treat her like tat she help me....I kinda feel I do wrong tis time le o.....I wan say it but not dare to say it out in front of her....I duno y....mayb is because I did somethg wrong n no courage to prove it I wrong.....

At tat moment my emo close my sense......I am so useless.......try to act stupid so tat ppl can happy around me.....but then I notice tat I dun have d power to make them happy as I tot I can be.....I jz making ppl unhappy......at my angle now I look like giving everyone a burder....a heavy burden.....feel so sad......

I nvr tot my ownself can be burden to other ppl......now feeling like wan give up on my life cz I don wan be burden to other ppl....I don wan to c them unhappy.......I been tru once n I tat time promise myself tat I will try not to......but ystdy d cant chg....is a history anyway.....but still I hope wont do such thg again....feel bad bout it......

If anyone got suggestion to let down tis bad feel......tell me....mayb it can help me lot....so thx ya~

a memory day of d life~

Yeah.....~at last I get my spm result & ended up sad.....haix...~d result is suck...but still thankx my mum for giving me support for my worst result....love ya mum....muakx...~

But then after take result v went to kai kai....wahaha.....no lar.......v jz take a drive to some wher....haha.....but duno y today so damm slpy lor......eye kinda hot.....don tell me I goin to fall sick leh....cz I long time no sick le......I too strong no bacteria dare attack me....wahahaha....~

At last I less le a lot of pressure.....somethg happen but I wont tell....is a secret btw me n him.....haha......but still thk to my lovely frend support I gain strength to do it alone.....I love ya guyz....~^^

Now oni I notice tat many ppl k me......but is cz of my result....haha......wat la.....


Actually today should talk many many thg wit him lor....but then....he look like not happy like tat.....I worry ltr I talk more condition be more worse.....haix.....but I rili wori leh......jz hope not as wat I thk he sad of lor......I jz wish I can read his mind.......!!~

oNe day bEfore re$ult Out

Hehe....tml spm result gonna out.....yeappy....>"< many ppl damm nervous bout it....I cant say I totally no nervous d but then not very lor....cz is jz getting result ma....u cant chg d mark anymore...haha......

Veli sad today......my hubby d sis msg me....say all those hurting thg.....walao.....I rili don und y "hakka" ppl so kedekut d.......y me not like tat pulak???weird jor.....mayb I from young d train not to be like one???wahaha.....but still nvr tot she will say such thg to me lor........is ok to suspect me but then I not ply gal lor.......n I don thk she got rite to say me cz I aso thk she is one of them lor.....y she cant believe tat I am honest??cant give me honest meh???other ppl not honest nvm la but now???walao eh.....beh tahan lor.....I wit my hubby so long le nvr lie him lor......

I knw he got many thg good attract many gal but then I jz don wan make myself believe in wat I saw.....even saw le I try my best to lie myself is not true......I knw is hard to believe me but then I rili nvr lie him when I wit him....y jz cant his sis und tat???y so hard to hear??

Ok la....she tell me to tell her all thg since she ask me to.....but I tell her le she like bo song me like tat....she is d one wan me tell all thg to her ar....now she like tis kind of pattern...some more tell me she is mature???wow....I don und y I keep face such problem.......I tell her wat she wan to knw n now she like tis.........hard to describe her using words...>"<

So now all I can do is wait their final ans....if not I thk I gonna die.......I knw they wan to help me but then when I emo I don k hu d hack r u o wat status r u I will jz folo my feel to do thgs.....I don like ppl using money to control me...even I got money problem I aso dont like ppl using my weak point to fight wit me....is jz like they r coward.....I don respect ppl tat use ppl weakness n win their fight.....those ppl live in tis world is jz wasting place.....

Since my problem she actually don need concern so much ar......she not my hu aso......v not rili veli close to each other wat......y k me so much???I not used to stranger k me so much.....is damm WEIRD!!!

Hope to hear from them sooner.....I rili tired......mentally tired.....haha.....~

haix~

Haiz....~so sad.....I tot he will miss me......I tot he will msg me.......but when da msg come......is not wat I hope to c 1st.......y he oways like tat d???veli disappointed.......TT

But still....happy to c his msg.....I knw he veli bz wit his work tat y doesnt hope he will oways come msg me but it hurts a lot when he say bye.......I don like to say goodbye cz is not rili a good word.....to me goodbye mean it will be a long time to be meet agn.....I wonder he knw wat goodbye mean???

Such a horrible day.....wheather so si beh hot....sweat like hell......head at hse oways pain terrible...but when go out is no pain anymore......is it my mental problem o wat??

I rili miss him.....damm miss me.....wan to c him everyday but is impossible to make him appear in front of me everyday......I duno which part of d world his working place.....cant go find him......even I wan find him my mum wont be my driver........lucky still got a frend come find me.....hehe....~

I thk that's all for today....temporary......wakaka.....wait till I knw wat to write ya~